i hate cigarettes... but i love nicotine

i haven't smoked a cigarette in a week. last night i got drunk at the beer garden and still didn't smoke a cigarette... SUCCESS! it helped that i was out with people who don't smoke, but not to minimize my accomplishments... i'm proud of myself.

my mom is doing great. as great as a 53 year old woman who just had ten stitches in her colon can be doing. but they confirmed that it wasn't cancer, and that's the most important thing. she's been out of work, but having a great time sitting around the house playing with dogs and eating vicodin. i have to say, aside from the ten stitches in the colon and the possible cancers, sounds kinda nice.

my sister is in san francisco this weekend, which is too bad because i really miss her. she sent me a photo and a text yesterday that said, "i'm drinking chocolate stout and thinking of you. (photo of chocolate stout)" and speaking of my siblings, i thought that my brother was coming home in july, like, for good. but my parents told me he is actually coming home for 6 weeks and then going back to taiwan for another year. boo. and to make things even shittier, i can't even go visit him because i've used all of my vacation time for '08. so i either have to quit or wait until '09.

forget what i said in my post below about "missing someone." i must have been smoking meth when i wrote that (badumpbump). i received a very nasty e-mail yesterday that was written by someone who shows zero human emotion. yes, i wrote the first nasty e-mail, but the theme of mine was, "you keep hurting my feelings and you're an asshole," and the theme of his was "you're a bitch, i have no feelings." it was actually the first time i've been called a bitch. i've been called a lot of things. a lot of bad things. a lot of bad things that are true. but never a bitch.... i have to tell you, it didn't feel good. but the whole thing did help close the door completely on the whole situation. i promise.

vivian is coming over and we're gonna run amok! or just get brunch and hang out, either way, i am feeling pretty okay today.

and i wrote a blog that i am really proud of on myspace, please see here.

<3